Red Bull Cola
I feel like this had a lot of potential. If this were some kind of Jolt/Red Bull hybrid, I can see where that’d be good, y’know? At least tolerable. But, no. This is just awful, because I guess they figured no one would go for it without the “all natural” gimmick.
Look, I get what they were going for, here. “All Natural” is a big thing right now, right alongside all this “hurf hurf sustainable green durf.” Some guy in the initial Red Bull Cola meeting probably threw out “all natural ingredients” alongside “biodegradable cardboard cans” and “fairly traded free-range octopus ink labels,” and he most likely got a raise for it. There’s a lot of money in convincing people that they can refute the second law of thermodynamics, and good on ‘em.
You wanna market a car made entirely out of wicker, that’s cool, knock yourself out—but it’s not gonna sell energy drinks. We’re not your target demographic—we’re in it for the unnatural ingredients. Every day we pump can after can full of chemicals of questionable nature and origin into our respective bloodstreams, in search of an energy boost above how our all-natural bodies normally work.
We’d also like to get said boost from something that tastes at least halfway decent, which–and I can’t stress this enough–Red Bull Cola does not.
