Slump Buster
I’d just finished up at the checkout of a local Walgreens when I spied a stack of boxes, full of black, unmistakably energy-drink-shaped cans. Imagine my shock when, upon closer inspection, I was met with the sight of one Kevin Youkilis’ majestic beard. Turns out, the beloved first baseman of the Boston Red Sox had put out his own for-charity energy drink. I darted back into line and held the can at the clerk with child-like excitement.
“A Youk energy drink!”
“Yeah,” the teenage cashier muttered, with genuine disinterest. “No one buys these.”
“I assume most people can’t deal with the side-effects.”
She glanced up at me for a moment, stone-faced.
“Instant beard,” I clarified.
Now, here I am expecting a big can of pseudo Red Bull, as is so often the case with these fly-by-night drinks. No, it turns out: highly carbonated, with a light, almost Bawls-esque flavor. It was, at first taste, excellent. Not only would it undoubtedly make me good at baseball, but it was delicious! Or so I initially thought.
Then, slowly, a grey wave of mediocrity washed over me—a terrible and familiar aftertaste. I confirmed my suspicions with a reluctant, flinching glance at the can’s finer print: “0 carbs.” this was a diet energy drink. I persevered, I kept the faith, I even cowboy’d up for a fleeting moment—but, in the end, I couldn’t get past that pervasive diet-anything flavor.
If you’re into the diet thing and you can find it, you may well enjoy this drink. As for me, well… Youk, don’t blame me if I ever doubt [your beverages]; you know we couldn’t live without you.
