Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator
Let me start out by saying this: There is something deeply unsettling about the site of a tall, foaming glass of Brawndo. Some centuries-old genetic imperative gnaws at the back of your mind, seeking to steer you away from a substance that was obviously never meant to be ingested.
That being said, Brawndo is goddamned delicious.
I am not ashamed to say that I was scared of it. It genuinely looks like it belongs tucked under the kitchen sink. Somehow, despite being neon green, it stains everything it touches highlighter-yellow. In a bizarre accident that miraculously resulted in zero (0) superpowers, I can verify with certainty that this includes human skin and living room curtains.
None the less, Brawndo is good. It has a very pleasing lime taste. Not too sweet, no funky aftertaste. It’s every bit as drinkable as Gatorade, but has less of a sugar-water thing goin’ on, and leaves you with a solid caffeine buzz. Officially—and this is on the record, now—it has become my morning beverage of choice.
My rating for Brawndo is: “Holding down the safety on a nail gun and shooting nails at stuff.” It’s something no one should ever do and probably every bit as dangerous as it seems, but, man, doing that is awesome.
